Revolution

In my previous missive, I expressed my wish that the common people take to the streets, and set them awash in the blood of the wretched press. How dearly I rue these words now, as I sit quivering in the potting shed at the end of the garden! For it seems that I have unleashed a people's revolution, though hardly one of my own choosing. Instead, the dimwitted rank and file have joined the penny dailies in persecuting the gentry... and their assaults are becoming progressively more violent in nature!

I was first alerted to the present frightsome situation by a vigilant reader, Neville Blatherwick of Basingstoke, and if I am to survive the forthcoming turmoil, I shall be indebted to Sir Blatherwick for it. It was he who directed my attention to a dreadful episode involving Leonardo DiCaprio, and while I was certainly ruffled by the news, at that time I had little inkling of the further atrocities that it would usher in.

A string of similar assailments followed, each one more animal-like than the last. Ms. Cameron Diaz, a lovely little sprite, found herself the object of envious blows at an otherwise civilized soiree. And then, a third incident, one especially ghastly in both the choice of its object and its intent. Mr. Tom Cruise, the same poor moppet who has endured the wrath of the dailies for a good fortnight, suffered an attempt upon his life when a member of the press attempted to drown him! And while it would have been appalling in any setting, what gave this occurence a particularly sickening pall was the context of its execution: It took the form of a dry drowning, undertaken in the public eye!

While the beasts of the press make jest of these episodes, we of noble standing know all too well that civil unrest is not a merry thing. And though some amongst us have taken a courageous stand against those who would seek to drown us, most seek refuge in pantries or potting sheds, aware that anarchy may soon be loosed upon the world.

Dear reader, if you are of good stock and standing, I entreat you to do the same -- find asylum! And for those of you who aspire to usurp your social betters, who would have our lungs fill with black water, know this: It is by the design of providence that we are elevated above you. Neither man, beast, nor all the Henry Wigglesworths of the world shall upset the divine order!

Comments

[grc]

,,,.rocktheFop

[Maria]

Dearest man, do take cautious shelter! And forget not the vicious paparazzo who attacked the fair maiden Miss Lindsay Lohan!

Fortunately here in the Sandwich Isles one can still flee to the cool hills and hide in the comforting bosom of safety. I entreat you to find safe harbor.

[Rt. Hon. Lord Hadrian Gaylourde Rabblewicke]

Dearest Sir,
In these dark times of attempted drownings and libation receptacle brainings, I urge you to join me in the colvuted lochs and canals of fair Amsterdam. Though the Dutch tongue is abhorrent in the extreme, I find a fair amount of solace from the wretched penny dailies (who have pursued me doggedly since my embarassing run in with Mr. Edward Asner and a tincture of carbolic acid). This unpleasantries aside, I should hope that all goes swimmingly in the next few weeks of tense, revolutionary sentiment.
Sincerely,
An Acquaintance(?)