The great drum of justice has beaten, and a decisive blow has been dealt to the Henry Wigglesworths of the world. Sir Michael Jackson is free! In spite of the concerted efforts of the social pages of the world (and those of one envious bastard in particular), the light of truth could not be blotted out. It has been a harrowing ordeal for myself and Sir Jackson both, one which recalled similar injustices past, but we have prevailed. And now the tide shall turn against the wretched members of the press!
Yes, it seems that the very zeal with which the vultures of the fourth estate set upon the man shall be their undoing. All of their foul declarations have been revealed as lies, and I have no doubt that the common man will respond to their maliciousness in kind. I am quite sure that within a few days' time, the plebeian masses will take to the streets and avenues, crying for the heads of those who deceived them. It will make for a horribly messy affair (as was that uprising in France some years back that took the life of my cher Uncle Guillame), but it will end with Mr. Henry Wigglesworth's head upon a pike -- and myself freed from the fetters of the social pages!
Now I am off to the garden, where I have arranged for a secret rendez-vous with my dear mate Crispin. We have taken to meeting there of late in response to Prudence's recent prohibition of all treats from the household; Crispin brings with him a supply of buttered brazils and chewing nuts, and we feast upon them side by side in the moonlight. It is not an ideal arrangement, and I do feel at times like a savage foraging through the bush, but it must tide us over until a better solution can be reached. And even these wanting conditions cannot dampen my spirit after today's proceedings. I shall delight in my little celebration of Sir Jackson's acquittal, as I am sure will you, dear reader!
Oh, how I dearly love nut candies! Your chum, Mr. Crispin, sounds like a caring fellow.
Fondly,
Madame M.
Posted by: Maria | June 14, 2005 at 01:51 PM
It is with the utmost dismay that I convey the following report to you; I entreat you to skip over the details of the assault as they are most horrendous. Another public entertainer and figure of great social stature has had his private affairs hung out for the masses' perusal like so much besmirched haberdashery. I speak, of course, of the great Leonardo DiCaprio. The affront, in this instance, is such that perhaps its publication is justifiable, but the prose in which that reportage is couched is so vulgar that it pains the refined reader to observe.
http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2005-06-18-dicaprio_x.htm
As awful as it is that this thespian has been attacked in the very salon that has been the site of so many wonderful soirees, is it not worse yet that the dogs of the penny dailies have gleefully bandied about the details of the event for every miner's wife on Tyneside to discuss?
Yours, in the hope that their license may only be exceeded by their eternal shame, Neville Blatherwick, Esq., of Basingstoke.
Posted by: Neville Blatherwick, Esq., of Basingstoke | June 18, 2005 at 08:10 PM
Wigglesworth's minions are afoot again: This time, besmirching Tom Cruise with water! Sir Fop, I want to hear another one of your eloquent condemnations of this rotten injustice!
Respectfully,
Earl Montevon, esq.
Posted by: Earl Montevon, esq. | June 20, 2005 at 01:16 PM